Winter approacheth. The most wonderful time of the year where my white blood cells pack up and go on tour to God-knows-where land, leaving my body vulnerable to a host of infections. The Flu, in particular has had a keen interest in me ever since I can remember. In winter my body is to flu what a pub is to an army of Irishmen.
Once I get the Flu, it turns into a fever which stays for a week and departs me with a good bye present- a cough that lasts for a month.
I roam the world, scared. The slightest sound of sniffing or sneezing sends me slithering miles away from the source where it spurted from.ssssSSSssss. My cautious brain has evolved the ability to look through a sea of faces and point out that red nose and those swollen eyes that trigger the 'flu? flee!' alarm.In order to take precaution, I bullshit myself by popping vitamin pills every now and then. ( It is the equivalent of hugging ones knees, sucking ones thumb and cradling back and forth, repeatedly saying:' its gonna be alright', knowing that the psycho serial killer is behind the door with a chainsaw).
I don't mind getting a fever. Its just the sore throat that drives me crazy. Also, the highly irritating sensation when you want to sneeze but cant, that makes me want to bite my face off. I don't want to get sick this season, I fucking hate the flu. I am going to take not-getting sick seriously. So seriously in fact, that I just Googled 'how to prevent flu'. Me vs. Flu Germs, round 1 , fight.
Once I get the Flu, it turns into a fever which stays for a week and departs me with a good bye present- a cough that lasts for a month.
I roam the world, scared. The slightest sound of sniffing or sneezing sends me slithering miles away from the source where it spurted from.ssssSSSssss. My cautious brain has evolved the ability to look through a sea of faces and point out that red nose and those swollen eyes that trigger the 'flu? flee!' alarm.In order to take precaution, I bullshit myself by popping vitamin pills every now and then. ( It is the equivalent of hugging ones knees, sucking ones thumb and cradling back and forth, repeatedly saying:' its gonna be alright', knowing that the psycho serial killer is behind the door with a chainsaw).
I don't mind getting a fever. Its just the sore throat that drives me crazy. Also, the highly irritating sensation when you want to sneeze but cant, that makes me want to bite my face off. I don't want to get sick this season, I fucking hate the flu. I am going to take not-getting sick seriously. So seriously in fact, that I just Googled 'how to prevent flu'. Me vs. Flu Germs, round 1 , fight.
You can get a flu shot. I'll never get one.
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